The Answer...

Ok, so this is it. No, I don't think everybody can change the world. But I do think that everybody's got some influence somewhere. Here's mine... this is my litle girl, and she's smart and funny and beautiful, and she tests my patience, pushes the limits, and generally is what every 7 year old kid is.

But for some reason, I've got some influence over this precious life. I don't know much, but I know that Abra is a big part of why I'm on this planet. Her mom and I are the only people who can instill in her how special she is. We're the only ones who can look into her beautiful little face and tell her the way that God made her was just what she needs to be. But truthfully, it's not always as easy as that.

Last night, I had a really hard time being patient with her. It's not really that she was doing anything wrong, but I was just too intent on myself to give her the attention she deserved. How could I ever think about changing the world when I can't even be self-disciplined enough to stop whatever stupid thing I'm doing to give my daughter the attention she needs?

What about those starving children in Africa? Who'll do something about them? Well, I don't think it's me, but there's a little girl in Haiti named Achley that I can do something about. My wife and I are waiting on pins and needles for a call from our lawyer in Haiti to tell us that we can come down and pick up our daughter and bring her home.

Oh, I'm sure we'll be all excited but it'll also be one of the hardest things we've ever done as a family, and the most traumatic thing that's probably ever happened to this little girl who has never known anything but the orphanage in which she now lives. She's never known the love or structure of a family. She's about to leave everything and everyone she knows to begin a life that is beyond her imagination. I'm pretty sure she's terrified, and I can't blame her one little bit.

I'm not a world-changer... When I was in college I thought I would be, but now I realize that the world that I need to influence is a little smaller than what I thought then. I need to change me. I need to be the dad and husband and musician and church leader I know I can be. That's what'll change my world. That's enough for me.

Maybe blogging isn't the most obvious form of self-centeredness...

... so I guess I'll have to blog about my thoughts and my feelings so that people can get to know how smart I am, and then I can decide if it's self-centered.

Truthfully, I'm pretty sure that no one in their right mind would ever want to delve into the inner recesses of the "no-emotion-zone" I call my thoughts. It's a little ridiculous to think that someone would sit down at their computer, with the world at their fingertips, and decide to listen to me ramble about the vice presidential debate held last night. (Incidentally, Sara Palin looked hot and I now want Joe Biden to be my own personal Alfred the butler.)

On the other hand, I love to sit in front of the TV and watch some talking head spout the same crap every hour on the hour. Maybe I have just as much to offer. Maybe there is gold buried deep with the bowels of my mind and I just have to wade through the waters of indifference to find it.

The waters of indifference... To be honest, one of my guiding principles has been the belief that you really can't make a difference in the world. Now, I know that flies in the face of all the idealists out there who spout their "change the world" mantra, but I'm a realist. In the course of history, a miniscule percentage of people have actually made that kind of mark, though we have no shortage of those who try. Why? Because there's only room for so many world-changers. The world can only handle leadership from a few at any given time, so what are the rest of us non-political, un-famous nobodies supposed to do?

The answer? ... well you'll just have to wait until my next post (which, if I'm being honest, may never come.)